The Plight of Houston Texans fans

After assembling the most eager crowd of fans wearing white (for the season opening “Whiteout” game), the Houston Texans proved their ability to crush the hopes of all the hopeful. You all really need to understand the plight of a Texans fan.

First of all, when you see us walking into a sports bar with Texans clothing, we actually do follow sports. We are also loyal and outwardly passionate. I know seeing a Texans fan evokes an awkward feeling for you, like approaching someone that is picking their nose. This awkward feeling is actually unjustified, but increasingly common.

It is actually a little known fact that talking to a Texans fan is really quite easy, just relating to them is hard. After all, being a Texans fan isn’t really exclusive to lobotomy patients, just those in need of one.

To bridge the gap I’m starting the Houston Texans fan dictionary. Wait, before you go all Matt Stevens on me, it’s important you understand that these tidbits are intended to bring peace, and not to further drive in the stake into the already wounded ego.

8 (the number 8 Texans-style)

1. <urban legend> - A Houston curse known as “The Curse of Troy Aikman”

Note: Houstonians do however rejoice that “Aikman” never passes spell check.

 2. <fact> In it’s naturally sideways state, this is the symbol for infinite misery

(8 - see also: unrecognized ineptitude)

“Saving it for Buffalo”

1. To stall or delay exposing the incompetence of the team.
2. To deceivingly disappoint.

<sentence>

John McClain says the Texans are saving their offensive strategy for their season-opening game at Buffalo.

Audible

1. A form of financial stature.

<sentence> The Texans players contract was so lucrative, he bought 3 Audis.

2. A glaring weakness

<sentence> Seeing Matt Stevens out of position, Manning made an audible to throw deep to Marvin Harrison and increase their lead.

3. A means for a Texans time-out

<sentence> Since the defense had 12 players on the field, Carr called a time-out to ask to make an audible and change the play.

Whiteout

1. White paint (liquid paper) used to erase the hopes of Texan fans

2. A medical procedure needed for all that viewed their inept play

‘Aggie’ Coach

1. A coach that misses timeouts, onside kick opportunities from the 50 yard line and often sits on the wrong side of history

Houston Texans Scratch-Off Game

1. The line-up for the Texans secondary

Texans Acquired Free Agent

1. Someone that choose to spend the last year of a long career in Houston
2. Someone we've never heard of

see also severely injured player/photo op

The 5 Year Plan

1. To have a winning team by the 5^th year -or-

2. To teach David Carr to read defenses in his 5^th year -or-

3. To increase ticket prices by the 5^th year

“Sensing they were in field goal range”

1. A means to get a false start
2. A means to fumble or throw an interception
3. A means to get a delay of game

Thanksgiving

1. When we start talking about next year and hope the Cowboys lose

Franchise Player

1. The most important, most valued player that is a determent to the work habits and morale of the team.

Rookie Quarterback

1. A quarterback that the Texans defense was unable to recognize his tendencies

Veteran Texans Quarterback

1. A quarterback that has not had enough time to learn the Texans offense.

Beach Ball In The Stands

1. Sometimes the most exciting thing that happens

First Downs

1. Something we proudly cheer about until the game is out of reach

Well, that's a start on the dictionary. Please submit more definitions if you are or know someone who is also afflicted. Go Texans! <please>